


As deaf as the one who will not hear

by DanzaNelFuoco



Category: One Piece
Genre: Jealous Roronoa Zoro, Jealous Vinsmoke Sanji, Jealousy, M/M, Maritombola Challenge, Misunderstandings, oblivious idiots that need a little help, post Whisky Peak, post episode 67, very early episodes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 07:55:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16869088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanzaNelFuoco/pseuds/DanzaNelFuoco
Summary: In which Sanji misunderstands and (almost) panicsZoro is obliviousAnd Nami is a little BL minx





	As deaf as the one who will not hear

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt 49 della Maritombola: "Il peggior sordo è quello che non vuol sentire"  
> (There's none so deaf as the one who will not ear.)
> 
> Just a cheesy fic, set on early chapters because apparently I didn't have a childhood and I'm watching this anime now (but I got some spoilers, so there is some foreshadowing).  
> English is not my first language and I have no beta, if you see any mistake please let me notice so that I can correct them (but any other comment it's welcomed too, I would love it).  
> Hope you enjoy :-)

Zoro was scowling.

It wasn’t anything new, per se, but the reason why he was doing so, instead of napping lazily on the deck as he wanted, bothered him, deepening his frown.

So, he was scowling because of Sanji.

Again, nothing new. The cook was the reason of at least half of Zoro’s scowls, three quarter of them if it was a particularly good week and the Strawhats didn’t face the Marines. But he just couldn’t wrap his mind around what was that bothered him so much about the previous night at Whisky Peak. Sanji was a love-sick idiot and he had never even tried to conceal it, so of course, while Luffy turned to food and Usopp to audience, Sanji would turn to girls. _Of_ fucking _course_.

So what was it that bothered him?

It wasn’t seeing him completely gone, heart-shaped eyes, coaxing at girls like he was living only to pleasure them. It couldn’t be it, Zoro had already see him doing it enough times for it to be the real problem.

Except… this time, girls were smiling back at him, flirting back to him, eating out of his hand. As if Sanji’s usual perverted behavior was something normal, welcomed, flattering even.

And trust the ero-cook to think so highly of himself to not see through the act, to not even wonder why suddenly girls were falling for him, like he was some sort of pirate prince charming.

Girls were always grossed out by Sanji, only this time they weren’t. And even though Zoro now knew it was a setup, the previous night he didn’t and _that_ was upsetting him.

And why the hell should he care if Sanji got laid? It was none of his business. Whatever Zoro might have thought (a few times and mostly in the dead of the night when he was feeling horny and lonely on the crow’s nest, thinking how good would it be to have a fuck and release some tension) about him and Sanji was clearly not going to happen. And it wasn’t even about Sanji, not at all, but he was the only one left, when Zoro had ruled women out of the picture (he had a way to make everything end with angered shrieks and tears and things thrown at him without even realizing what it was that he had done wrong when it came to women, so he couldn’t risk it with a nakama, even if he didn’t take for granted a “no” from Nami) and Usopp was into that Kaya girl, without mentioning that Zoro was pretty sure Luffy didn’t know the appendix between his legs had other uses besides peeing. So Sanji was the one left out and what if Zoro had raised his hopes to get a little action when the cook had joined the crew? Sanji’s behavior had made pretty clear there wasn’t an opening for him, so he had automatically stepped back. And that was the end of it.

So now he just had to convince his forehead to stop furrow.

“We have to talk” Nami clouded the sun, leaving him in her shadow.

“What?”

“Get up, I need to talk to you in a place where we can’t be interrupted.”

She didn’t even give him time enough to stand up before dragging him across the ship. He stumbled after her, trying to keep up her pace, until he realized that sea-witch had closed the door of her own room after them.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“You are not as subtle as you think.”

“What are you even talking about.”

“Sanji.”

“Sanji what?”

“You like him.”

Zoro laughed. “I hate him.”  
“Right, of course” Nami arched her eyebrows, crossing her arms. “Now that we’ve gone through formalities… I’m not blind. We were sitting at the same table in Whisky peak, I’ve seen you scowling at Sanji the whole night.”

“I always scowl at Sanji, his sole existence annoys me.”

“Please. I’ve never seen you so pissed at him, I thought you would go and slay all the chicks he was talking to.”

Zoro clicked his tongue, menacingly. “I don’t like what you are trying to imply.”

Nami sighed. “Listen, I’ve been in a pirate crew since I was a kid, I’ve learned how this things work, I’m not gonna judge. And I think you two would make a good pair.”

Zoro rolled his eyes. “I don’t know if you haven’t noticed by the way he constantly tries to get in the pants of every girls he meets, but, unlike his eyebrows, he’s straight.”  
“And you?” Nami asked, and true to her words, there was no judgement in her voice.

“That’s none of your business” he replied harsh, and that was followed just by silence. Nami waited, she gave him his time to elaborate. “I just get along with what I get” he added, at last, in a quieter tone, reluctantly giving in.

She nodded silently and Zoro could feel the tension of the moment. She was accepting it, not thinking any less of him. It was the closest to a heart-to-heart conversation they had, a milestone in their friendship, something detached from their usual interactions, based on mockery and jokingly blackmail interests.

And then the tension faded, the moment was gone, “And you would _so_ like to get along with Sanji” she was teasing again.

Zoro snorted, incredulous. “Are you that obsessed?” He asked with an expression so bewildered that Nami couldn’t help laughing.

“I can’t believe this is really happening” he growled, wanting to slam his head against the wall hard enough to break it.

Nami giggled. “You pretend to be all grumpy, and in the end you’re just romantic.”

“I’m not romantic! ”

“Ah, trust me, pining is romantic.”

“I’m not pining and I’m not romantic! And definitely I’m not having this conversation with you” frustration got his voice almost on the verge of hysteria.

“Oh, but if we are not having this conversation, how are we gonna devise a plan to set you two up?”  
That shocked him, his jaw going slack, almost reaching the floor. “Oi, have you gone insane? There’s no plan, he likes girls.”

“Yes, he likes girls _sooo much_ , one would think he’s overcompensating.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Twenty girls around him and he didn’t get any action? I wonder” she tapped her chin with a finger, a knowing smile spreading on her face.

“They were faking it.”

“Not all of them. Sanji is a handsome guy after all” Zoro’s jaw clenched at the compliment, “I bet one or two of those girls wouldn’t have minded to take it to the next level.”

“This is crazy. Are we talking about the same pervert-cook?” He gestured the air in an awkward way.

“Yes, we are. You just haven’t read between the lines. Now if you would just listen to me, I think I’ve devised the perfect plan.”

Zoro took a step back, both literally and figuratively. “I won’t make a fool of myself more than I already did, so… thank you, but no, thank you. I don’t know what you think Sanji is, but he likes women and we have talked too much about a thing that is never gonna happen. I have better things to do.”

“Like sulking in a corner as you were doing before?”

“Like training. See you, Nami.” Zoro closed the door behind himself, leaving the girl alone.

Stubborn swordsman! Nami though reproachfully. There was none so deaf as the one that will not hear. Oh, well, things had a way to sort themselves out for the better with that crew.

 

 

 

He didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Eavesdropping wasn’t polite and he was a gentleman.

But that was Nami’s room and that was Zoro’s voice and she was laughing. She was laughing at something the shitty swordsman was saying. And she was doing it in her room. With the shitty swordsman. In her room. The two of them. Alone.

Sanji froze, the tray with a flavory drink on it still in perfect balance, his brain trying to register the situation.

No.

 _That_ wasn’t happening.

He was about to break down the door and interrupt whatever it was that wasn’t happening, when the thought struck him. Who was he to interrupt? There wasn’t any threat, Zoro wasn’t forcing himself on Nami or anything of the sort (she was laughing, for fuck’s sake!), he didn’t have any right to barge in.

“I can’t believe this is really happening” he heard Zoro’s deep voice, almost a growl. Unbelievable, really! Alone in Nami’s room and growling at Nami, annoyed… _or full of lust_ , Sanji realized shocked. Shit, _that_ was happening, wasn’t it? There wasn’t much left for interpretation.

Nami giggled. “You pretend to be all grumpy, and in the end you’re just romantic.”

And that was it. He turned on his heels and head back to the kitchen for he knew he was defeated. Because Nami had never told _him_ he was romantic and if someone was romantic on that ship Sanji could list every member of the crew - including the mast - before thinking about Zoro. Sanji couldn’t believe that Nami would prefer that oaf to him. And when had that happen, anyway? How could he have been that blind to not see this coming?

He threw the tray aimlessly on the table, swallowing the drink. The alcohol burned his throat, soothing the feeling of his heart crumpling in his ribcage and his lungs not working properly. He slowly drew a cigarette from the pack and put it in his mouth, leaving it hanging at the corner.

Nami wasn’t interested in him, he had known it from day one, she had made it pretty clear and he could live with that, but why did it have to be Zoro? Shit.

He took his head between his hand.

 _Shit_.

He lit his cigarette, trying to get back his aplomb.

He could see why a girl would crush on Zoro, he had the “bad guy” look that conquered the ladies. All those scars and muscles, brute force and that attitude as if he couldn’t care less. But Nami should have known better. She was tough on her own, Sanji couldn’t see her fall for it. Oh, but maybe Nami actually knew better. Because Zoro was so much more than that. He was strong, yes, and tough, but he was also reliable and caring. He could seem stupid or thoughtless, but that was just for the untrained eyes to see. Zoro would crush worlds for his crew, he would give his life for his nakama. And they were just that, _friends_. Sanji could only imagine how being loved romantically would be much more intense. Passionate.

In end it turned out Sanji could understand Nami. It tore his heart apart, more than he would have thought, but he could bear it. Because they were _his_ nakama too, and if they were happy it didn’t matter how painful it was to him. He was gonna be happy for them.

He crushed the stub under his heel and started preparing dinner.

That helped him. Dicing, chopping, mincing, mixing, stirring, adding; those things he could do with his eyes closed, but they required his attention nonetheless, keeping his mind busy, so that he could avoid thinking.

He was definitely calmer by the time the last batch was rising in the oven, the pie starting to brown.

He was ready to face dinner.

“Oi, Sanji, I’m hungry!” Luffy opened wide the door and threw himself at the roast, knowing where it was without even looking. Just in time.

Sanji blocked him with his leg, knocking him on the floor. “Not yet, Luffy. We are gonna eat as proper human beings, now out of my kitchen. I’ll be out with food in a minute”

He shoved him out, taking his time to arrange the food in the plates and balancing dishes over his arms.

“Ok, guys, time to eat!”

As usual he served Nami first and Vivi, because that was the etiquette, but he didn’t add any compliment, refraining his eyes from getting the usual heart shape he always had for girls. It was awkward, not being himself, but it wouldn’t do to flirt with Nami knowing what he knew and it simply didn’t feel right to woo Vivi, leaving out the red-head. Had she been any other girl involved with any other man, Sanji wouldn’t have though about it a second time. But she was Nami and he was Zoro and that would have been inconsiderate.

“Are you feeling all right, Sanji?” Usopp asked, tilting his head.

“Why, yes, I’m fine.”

“You seem a little bit… off?”

Sanji shrugged. “I must be a little tired.”

“You sure you can do your watch duty?”

Sanji actually considered it. It was Zoro who had the shift before his and it was tempting to just give in, asking the others to stay up a little longer or come in a little earlier to cover for him and just shut down his brain. “Yes.” He said at last. “Yes, I’m fine.”

He concentrate on his plate, eating slowly without paying much attention to his surroundings.

“Don’t you smell something’s burning?” Vivi snatched him from his thoughts.

There really was something wrong with him to forget there was still food in the oven. “The pie!” He exclaimed, jumping on his feet and rushing to the kitchen to salvage what he could. He didn’t come back. He tried to convince himself he hadn’t really flee.

 

 

 

Climbing to the crow’s nest, Sanji cursed himself. Maybe he should have told the others he wasn’t feeling well. He didn’t want to see Zoro right now.

He felt a little betrayed actually. Stupid, righteous Zoro, Mr. Bushido right to the core, too busy to waste time on girls, here he was, having an affaire. With Nami of all people.

So much for telling Sanji he was a love-sick idiot.

And maybe it should have bothered him the fact that he was more upset for Zoro than Nami. Sure that was because he had already talked himself into accepting the fact that sooner or later the navigator would find a lover, someone else that wasn’t him, and of course that would hurt, but it was inevitable.

Zoro was another matter and Sanji couldn’t quite grasp what was that made him so mad and willing to kick the dumbass overboard.

How dared that idiot Marimo lead him to think he was interested only in fighting (which Sanji’s provided satisfactorily and every time he could), and then go and find other diversions? Wasn’t Sanji enough?

He didn’t have time to be shocked by the implication of his own thoughts, because he saw her.

Nami. She was sitting there. Leaning on Zoro’s shoulder, whispering something in his ear. And he… he was blushing! The cold-hearted mosshead was blushing, red spreading on his cheeks, there was no mistaking it. He pushed away the hand she had on his bicep, embarrassed, and she giggled at him, winking, before standing up to leave.

“Oh, Sanji, you’re already here!” She exclaimed, still smiling. She didn’t even try to conceal the happiness on her face, even though she was surprised to see him. That meant they weren’t keeping it a secret and probably they would be telling it to the rest of the crew very soon.

Sanji’s heart skipped a beat, but he pulled a smile in return nonetheless. “Yes, I’m actually a bit late”, it stung a little that they were so wrapped in themselves to haven’t noticed, “I was finishing the preparation for tomorrow’s breakfast.”

“I’m sure it’s gonna be delicious” she beamed. “Now I should really go to bed. Zoro, remember what we talked about.”

Sanji refrained from clenching his jaw and leaned against the wooden rail instead, watching the starry sky above the sea, cigarette in his hand. 

He could feel Zoro still sitting behind him. He wondered why he wasn’t leaving too.

“If you hurt her” he said eventually, breaking the silence, “I’m gonna skin you alive.”

He expected some snarky reply about how Sanji was never gonna be able to beat him in a fight, instead Zoro frowned. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m not blind. I’ve seen how you two act around each other” he chewed the filter of his unlit cigarette, without turning. “I know you are together.”

“There’s nothing going on between Nami and me.”

Sanji heard Zoro gettin up and reaching for him. “I went to bring Nami her drink this evening and I heard her talking with you in her room” he refused to watch him standing beside him, not seeing his alarmed expression. “I know I shouldn’t have eavesdropped.”

“What did you hear?” He asked on edge, trying to steady his voice.

“I haven’t heard anything, really” Zoro tension eased, “just her laughing, but… You two together, in her room. I’m not stupid, so… You know, you don’t have to keep it secret anymore.”

“There is no secret. She just needed to talk to me.”

“In her room?” Sanji raised an eyebrow, turning to him. “About what?”

“Er… things” and here he was, blushing again.

“Yeah, _things_ ” he repeated, bitter. He drew from his cigarette, puffing smoke with a click of his tongue, then crushed the stump under his heels. “Don’t treat me like an idiot.” He put another on in the corner of his mouth and left it there, unlit.

“Well, if you behave like an idiot…” Zoro’s anger was raising. Was he speaking a different language? “I’m telling you I’m not interested in Nami.”

It didn’t make any sense. Nami was a beautiful girl, evidently throwing herself at Zoro by the look of it. Sanji tried, without much success, to erase from his memories the sight of her, flirting with the shitty swordsman. Why would he not be interested?

“It doesn’t make sense.” He gave voice to his thought, angering Zoro even more. “Why would you not be into her?”

“Because I’m into _you_ , you moron!” he snapped, without even thinking and regretting it as soon as the words left his lips.

The cigarette dropped from Sanji’s open mouth without him noticing. “You are _into me?_ ”

“Yes” he looked away, and damn it if Zoro blushing wasn’t the cutest thing the cook had seen in a long time.

So now it did make sense. What didn’t make sense was Sanji’s accelerated pulse, and the feeling of something warm blooming in his chest, euphoria going to his head as if he was intoxicated. He couldn’t help the stupid grin spreading on his face against his will.

Not thinking, Sanji took a step forward, invading Zoro’s space, placing his hand on his cheek and letting it slide over his skin, reaching for his nape, gripping and pulling him closer. He crushed their lips together, eyes shut because he wasn’t sure he would have the gut to do it otherwise.

A chocked sound escaped Zoro’s throat, almost a moan. Then he overcame the shock and leaned in the kiss, tongue boldly darting to lick and taste, placing a hand on Sanji’s hip, pulling him even closer.

It was as if everything had clicked into place.

They parted, panting out of breath. Now Zoro’s smile was mirroring Sanji’s.

“I- I thought you liked girls.”

“Yes, I thought it too.”

His words were followed by an awkward silence.

“Does this mean we are-?”He let his voice fade.

“But don’t expect any special treatment because of it.” Zoro smile at Sanji’s peculiar way of saying yes faded a little when the cook kicked him lightly on his shins.

“As if. I’m still gonna kick your ass.”

“I’d like to see you try it.”

 

 

 

Coda:

 

A few kisses later (A lot of kisses later).

“You know, I have a question.”

“Yes?”

“What were you and Nami talking about that you needed to remember?”

 

_Zoro heard footsteps approaching and sighed at the sight of a red-head climbing on the crow’s nest.“What are you doing here, Nami? If it’s again with that stupid plan, I swear…”_

_“No. No, I got it. No plan” she held her hands up. “Not really”._

_Zoro opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted. "You don’t even know what I’m talking about, let me explain at least!” Nami pleaded, cocky “I promise you won’t look like a fool.” She winked at him._

_“Why am I already regretting this?” he gave in, sighing. “Ok, explain. I’m not agreeing on anything else.”_

_A bright cunning smile appeared on her face. “Here it is: I’ll just sit with you there, ‘till Sanji arrives. See if that makes him jealous.”_

_The swordsman rolled his eyes. “Why would he be jealous?”_

_“He sure was acting weird during dinner and I incidentally discovered he may know you were in my room this afternoon from Luffy.”_

_“What-?”  
“Well, at first I though Sanji hadn’t make any drink or snack this afternoon, but actually he did and we weren’t there. Normally he would bring the stuff to my room but with both of us absent, I think he put two and two together wrongly and he didn’t came. Maybe he saw us heading for my room or something and that was why he was so strange.”_

_“That’s… fucked up.”_

_“Yeah, so I was just wondering what would happen if we push it trough.”_

_“Push it trough?” He asked alarmed._

_Nami leaned over him, pressing her chest against his arm, close enough to whisper in his ear. “If I’m right” she said casually, ignoring the blush spreading on his cheeks “this will make him roar in jealousy.”_

_“Over you.”_

_“Maybe. But if it was me he was jealous of, wouldn’t he be wooing me, trying to get me back, instead of keeping his distance?” She rested her hand on his arm._

_“This is insane.”_

_“Humor me. Just this once. We aren’t doing anything wrong or compromising, after all.”_

_Zoro was about to reply that that was a really stupid idea when Sanji had interrupted._

 

“So?” Sanji pried at the spaced out swordsman, “What was that you needed to remember?”

“She though you might be jealous of me.”

Sanji froze, clenching his jaw, his face growing redder any minute. “Ah! Me?! Jealous?! Of you?! As if!” He tried to kick him and pull him away.

Zoro smiled, smug, and kissed him again.

 

 

 

Looking at the two silhouettes on the crow’s nest, Nami smiled.

“Told you! None so deaf as the one that will not hear. They just needed a little push.” Nami gestured, showing her palm. “Now pay up.”

“I can’t believe you” Usopp gave her the money, groaning.

Luffy laughed, delighted.

(He knew better that to bet against her.)

**Author's Note:**

> It started as a little drabble to break my writing block and it has grown to this, and I'm so happy with it.


End file.
